The Hai Van Pass has become the joke of our journey; our training wheels in the form of a mountain. It’s a mountain pass just north of Danang, Vietnam. Once over this mountain the climate is supposed to change dramatically. In my head, I secretly hoped that meant I would climb the mountain and descend into the Catskills. The road over the pass is a consistent climb straight up for 10km (6 miles). There’s a tunnel that goes through the pass but we would never pass up the chance to challenge ourselves and simultaneously see an amazing view. Okay, and the real truth is that bicycles are not allowed through.
We were pretty confident after nearly 6 weeks of biking that we were in good enough shape to conquer the pass comfortably. The previous day we lounged around My Khe Beach, also known as China Beach which was a preferred spot for American soldiers during the war.
We floated in our tubes; Corinn’s bright pink and decorated with dolphins and fish, mine a bright green hippo with an inflatable head and a circumference the size of my thigh which I stubbornly wear around my waist. We had a couple of beers while sitting in beach chairs and talked for hours with the most adorable and friendly Vietnamese man of all time. He is an insomniac who learned English from watching American movies over and over and over again when he couldn’t sleep. His favorite is Home Alone. Can you imagine the impression that Home Alone has on a young Vietnamese man? He was convinced that all Americans are rich and that Bruce Willis’ character in Die Hard was a reliable source on what Americans earn for a living. He also asked Corinn why she didn’t have a baby since she was so rich. Corinn set the record straight about a woman‘s right to choose whether or not to have children and tried to explain that her non-profit salary did not make her rich. He was shocked by this.
He told us that on average he earns $2/day. He is learning English with the hopes of becoming a tour guide. He told us that in Vietnam it is very hard to get a good job unless you know someone in the government or have a lot of extra money to pay bribes. He told us that there is no such thing as social welfare in Vietnam and seemed to think that no one really has to work in the U.S. because the government passes out free cash whenever someone declares they don‘t have enough. He told us how the Chinese gave the Vietnamese a very strange chemical (that he pronounced with the hard ch sound) that makes pigs grow to their full size at 6 times the normal rate and keeps seafood looking fresh a week after being caught. He also told us that sleeping buses were way nicer and more affordable than trains (more to come on how that turned out).
After hours baking in the sun we parted with our new friend and headed out to find some dinner. This proved to be an enormous challenge. My Khe Beach was at the height of its tourist season so people were out in droves. These were Vietnamese tourists, we were the only westerners amongst the hordes. For blocks and blocks the road side was full of impromptu seafood BBQ joints, all outfitted with the standard sets of mini chairs and tables found at all Vietnamese eateries. These chairs and tables are exactly the same size as the ones found in preschools for snack time. I was never able to sit down and relax at these tables as I was always afraid that when I tried to stand up I would have a tiny chair attached permanently to my ass. Corinn and I never lost our fascination with their choice of dining furniture (we are happy to say that there are normal sized chairs and tables in Laos).
Anyway, at the place we chose were given a bowl of peanuts and menus in Vietnamese. Not one word looked familiar so when the waiter came over I pointed to the people at the table across from us and said “Same, same” to which he replied “feeeeeesh?” and I shook my head yes. About an hour later we were served a plate of fresh greens (none of which I could identify) and rice paper wrappers hard as a rock and some fish sauce. He then placed in front of us what appeared to be a small, square piece of rubber garnished with chilies. We poked at it with our chopsticks and determined it to be a sting ray. We had a lengthy discussion about sting rays and how that woman in Florida was killed when a sting ray flew out of the water and smacked her in the head as the boat she was riding in sped by. We remembered the crocodile hunter and how he was killed by one. Eventually we realized what we were trying to eat was far too small to be a sting ray and we identified it for a second time as a skate. It turns out skates are delicious. But they do not have a lot of meat and we went to sleep pretty hungry. The next morning we realized mid-meal that our cereal had been infiltrated by ants and we were forced to abandon our breakfast.
Unfed and mildly dehydrated, we got a late start at 9 am. The sun was out with a vengeance and ready to wreck our worlds before we even started pedaling. We got a little side tracked on the way to the pass. We needed to get water. We needed to get fruit. We needed to get deodorant. What better time to do a little shopping than when the temperature is rising and we’re heading closer and closer to the hottest part of the day. Jackasses! We didn’t make it to the pass until around 11:30.
We started to pedal up hill. The sun was suffocating. I was trying to breath but couldn’t catch my breath. I kept thinking, “Slow and steady, slow and steady” and “Nothing worth doing is easy” as well as a multitude of other self help phrases when all of a sudden I heard Corinn scream in rage “I just need some shaaaaade!!!! I hate you sunnnnnnnnnnnn! She was at an all time war with her nemesis, that big, giant, fiery ball in the sky.
Delirium was setting in. I know I’m losing it when the pattern on the shirt Corinn wears all the time starts to take on different forms. Sometimes it’s Barack Obama’s face, other times it’s a big giant lion. On this day it was a furious dragon breathing fire at me.
At one point a large van passed us. The side of the van said “Intrepid Bicycles”. The westerners inside stared and pointed at us from their support vehicle and we had a good time yelling after them, “Seriously? You’re the intrepid bicyclists??”
As we rolled up to the top I was near death and so proud of us for pushing through. The reveling in our success was short lived as we were swarmed by women selling pearl necklaces and bracelets. Sales tactics are not well thought out in Vietnam. We were soaked in sweat and barely breathing., they had bottles of cold water and yet they approached us with bracelets?
As we crested the peak 4 British guys each on the back of a moto taxi passed us going in the opposite direction. The first one raised his arm and shook his fist and yelled “Well done!” The second one yelled “Good effort!” We smiled and descended at top speed with the bright blue South China Sea in front of us.
Every pass we’ve climbed since one of us has yelled out at some point, “Why can’t this be the Hai Van Pass??” We miss our training wheels a little.
Right now I’m in a really comfortable hotel in Udomxai, Laos and I’m thinking about my Pops, hoping that you all think good thoughts about him while he is recovering from a quadruple bypass. I love you, Daddy-O!
We were pretty confident after nearly 6 weeks of biking that we were in good enough shape to conquer the pass comfortably. The previous day we lounged around My Khe Beach, also known as China Beach which was a preferred spot for American soldiers during the war.
We floated in our tubes; Corinn’s bright pink and decorated with dolphins and fish, mine a bright green hippo with an inflatable head and a circumference the size of my thigh which I stubbornly wear around my waist. We had a couple of beers while sitting in beach chairs and talked for hours with the most adorable and friendly Vietnamese man of all time. He is an insomniac who learned English from watching American movies over and over and over again when he couldn’t sleep. His favorite is Home Alone. Can you imagine the impression that Home Alone has on a young Vietnamese man? He was convinced that all Americans are rich and that Bruce Willis’ character in Die Hard was a reliable source on what Americans earn for a living. He also asked Corinn why she didn’t have a baby since she was so rich. Corinn set the record straight about a woman‘s right to choose whether or not to have children and tried to explain that her non-profit salary did not make her rich. He was shocked by this.
He told us that on average he earns $2/day. He is learning English with the hopes of becoming a tour guide. He told us that in Vietnam it is very hard to get a good job unless you know someone in the government or have a lot of extra money to pay bribes. He told us that there is no such thing as social welfare in Vietnam and seemed to think that no one really has to work in the U.S. because the government passes out free cash whenever someone declares they don‘t have enough. He told us how the Chinese gave the Vietnamese a very strange chemical (that he pronounced with the hard ch sound) that makes pigs grow to their full size at 6 times the normal rate and keeps seafood looking fresh a week after being caught. He also told us that sleeping buses were way nicer and more affordable than trains (more to come on how that turned out).
After hours baking in the sun we parted with our new friend and headed out to find some dinner. This proved to be an enormous challenge. My Khe Beach was at the height of its tourist season so people were out in droves. These were Vietnamese tourists, we were the only westerners amongst the hordes. For blocks and blocks the road side was full of impromptu seafood BBQ joints, all outfitted with the standard sets of mini chairs and tables found at all Vietnamese eateries. These chairs and tables are exactly the same size as the ones found in preschools for snack time. I was never able to sit down and relax at these tables as I was always afraid that when I tried to stand up I would have a tiny chair attached permanently to my ass. Corinn and I never lost our fascination with their choice of dining furniture (we are happy to say that there are normal sized chairs and tables in Laos).
Anyway, at the place we chose were given a bowl of peanuts and menus in Vietnamese. Not one word looked familiar so when the waiter came over I pointed to the people at the table across from us and said “Same, same” to which he replied “feeeeeesh?” and I shook my head yes. About an hour later we were served a plate of fresh greens (none of which I could identify) and rice paper wrappers hard as a rock and some fish sauce. He then placed in front of us what appeared to be a small, square piece of rubber garnished with chilies. We poked at it with our chopsticks and determined it to be a sting ray. We had a lengthy discussion about sting rays and how that woman in Florida was killed when a sting ray flew out of the water and smacked her in the head as the boat she was riding in sped by. We remembered the crocodile hunter and how he was killed by one. Eventually we realized what we were trying to eat was far too small to be a sting ray and we identified it for a second time as a skate. It turns out skates are delicious. But they do not have a lot of meat and we went to sleep pretty hungry. The next morning we realized mid-meal that our cereal had been infiltrated by ants and we were forced to abandon our breakfast.
Unfed and mildly dehydrated, we got a late start at 9 am. The sun was out with a vengeance and ready to wreck our worlds before we even started pedaling. We got a little side tracked on the way to the pass. We needed to get water. We needed to get fruit. We needed to get deodorant. What better time to do a little shopping than when the temperature is rising and we’re heading closer and closer to the hottest part of the day. Jackasses! We didn’t make it to the pass until around 11:30.
We started to pedal up hill. The sun was suffocating. I was trying to breath but couldn’t catch my breath. I kept thinking, “Slow and steady, slow and steady” and “Nothing worth doing is easy” as well as a multitude of other self help phrases when all of a sudden I heard Corinn scream in rage “I just need some shaaaaade!!!! I hate you sunnnnnnnnnnnn! She was at an all time war with her nemesis, that big, giant, fiery ball in the sky.
Delirium was setting in. I know I’m losing it when the pattern on the shirt Corinn wears all the time starts to take on different forms. Sometimes it’s Barack Obama’s face, other times it’s a big giant lion. On this day it was a furious dragon breathing fire at me.
At one point a large van passed us. The side of the van said “Intrepid Bicycles”. The westerners inside stared and pointed at us from their support vehicle and we had a good time yelling after them, “Seriously? You’re the intrepid bicyclists??”
As we rolled up to the top I was near death and so proud of us for pushing through. The reveling in our success was short lived as we were swarmed by women selling pearl necklaces and bracelets. Sales tactics are not well thought out in Vietnam. We were soaked in sweat and barely breathing., they had bottles of cold water and yet they approached us with bracelets?
As we crested the peak 4 British guys each on the back of a moto taxi passed us going in the opposite direction. The first one raised his arm and shook his fist and yelled “Well done!” The second one yelled “Good effort!” We smiled and descended at top speed with the bright blue South China Sea in front of us.
Every pass we’ve climbed since one of us has yelled out at some point, “Why can’t this be the Hai Van Pass??” We miss our training wheels a little.
Right now I’m in a really comfortable hotel in Udomxai, Laos and I’m thinking about my Pops, hoping that you all think good thoughts about him while he is recovering from a quadruple bypass. I love you, Daddy-O!
at long last! another installment of the adventure! i've been thirsty for more tales. and holy crap, this doesn't disappoint. sounds like time and again, you both defy gravity, push your bodies to a limit you didn't know existed, and shed any fears you might have about the tasks that lay ahead.
ReplyDeleteabsolutely incredible!
xoxo
actually, as it turns out, the Government here is getting better and better at handing out money...you've been away too long!
ReplyDeleteezzard
Thank you for the info. It sounds pretty user friendly. I guess I’ll pick one up for fun. thank u
ReplyDeletevan for sales